Punt by Ken “Sky” Walker

It’s a lovely mid-August afternoon, sunny, eighty degrees and low humidity.  Couldn’t ask for a better day.  In a couple of hours I’ll be heading down to the “D” to have some dinner and take in a Tiger game with my bro’s.  No worries, right?  Wrong.  Instead of soaking up some rays and perhaps sipping a pre-game cocktail, I find myself sitting at my desk, staring at a monitor screen.  This begs the question, why?  The answer being, I’ve got to submit my preseason prediction for Current, of course. 

Counterpunt and I agree this is the toughest column we have to write each season.  Being away from the ‘creative process’ for so long makes the initial one all the more difficult.  Besides, how should I know what Michigan is going to do this fall?  Last year, I believe I enlisted the help of an acquaintance, who had a friend who knew an assistant coach, who supposedly had the skinny.  The dude gave me the Wolverines going 8-4.  And that was an expert opinion.  I wonder if that assistant is still with the team?

Normally, I’ll check columns from the recent past, just to make sure I’m not regurgitating anything.  I’m often surprised that most of them aren’t half bad.  If I’ve managed not to spout a bunch of stats, rosters or quotes, I figure I’ve done my job.  After all, no one is looking in Current for any hard core football analysis.

I guess it’s time to get a serious.  The seniors on this squad have not beaten Ohio State nor won a bowl game.  They all want a fitting end to their Michigan careers.  Unfortunately, you don’t always get what you want.  If the Wolverines couldn’t get it done with last year’s team, why should a less experienced team (the defense) do better?   Look for Michigan to stub their toe unexpectedly in East Lansing or Madison, spoiling any national championship hopes.  But beating the Buckeyes will make up for it, right?

Michigan wins 10, losses 2 (luck of the Irish is due)

Counterpunt by Nick RoUMel

 At the July Big Ten Media Conference, Punt and I enjoyed the unbridled preseason optimism of the football coaches. Their tanned faces sport wide grins, and they grip the podium with confidence, to say how excited they are about the coming year. To keep from snoozing, I counted how many times each said they were excited, and I figured it was as good a way as any to predict their teams’ order of finish.

Illinois/Northwestern (10) – Illinois Coach Ron Zook, coming off a 2-10 campaign highlighted by a loss to Ohio State that wasn’t as bad as expected, should have a complete reversal of fortune based on the “excite-o-meter.” Northwestern Coach Pat Fitzgerald was equally excited after his four-win 2006 rookie season.

Ohio State (8) – The crafty “Little Penguin,” Jim Tressell, tossed 8 “e-bombs.”

Michigan State (7) – New Spartan coach Mark Dantonio has been inspiring his team with clips from the movie “300.” No need. In East Lansing, they understand all too well the concept of being badly outmanned and suffering a devastating loss.

Minnesota (6) – Another rookie coach, Tim Brewster, said “excited” six times and “TCF Bank” three, and said everything VERY, VERY LOUDLY!

Wisconsin/Michigan (4) – Coach Bret Bielema was excited-times-four, tying him with Lloyd Carr, who was not only excited, but frequently “great” and “outstanding.”  

Iowa (3) – Considering he dodges UM and OSU on the schedule, Coach Kirk Ferentz should have been more excited than he was.

Penn State/Indiana/Purdue (0) – JoePa is one refreshing coach who says whatever the heck he wants, which doesn’t include “exciting.” Indiana Coach Bill Lynch is understandably subdued, trying to maintain a program stunned by the sudden death of previous coach Terry Hoeppner. And Purdue skipper Joe Tiller was not only unexcited, but confessed to being anxious twice. So look for the Boilermaker’s locomotive to be 2007’s Big Ten caboose.

Sports fans and superstition go hand in hand.  I've been accused of going overboard myself on more than one occasion.  But this conversation I overheard while approaching Michigan Stadium last weekend takes the prize.

Fan #1: "Hey look, those free programs are back again.  They weren't here the last two weeks.

Fan # 2:  "That's probably why we've been losing games!"

Fan #1:  "Where've they been?"

Punt (in passing):  "The publisher decided to cut back this year.  The 'Guide' is only being put out for Notre Dame, Penn State, Purdue, and Ohio State."

Lady passing out MFG:  "Free program?"

Fan #2:  "No thanks.  I only take them from that guy over there."  (Fan #2 nods in the direction of a disheveled guy wearing dirty coveralls, standing near the railroad tracks.)  "For luck."

Well there you have it.  The Michigan Football Guide is officially responsible for the worst period of Michigan football fortunes in recent memory!  I'm certain our publisher would've found a way to go to press, had he known.

What's up with the Lloyd Carr and Russell Crowe?  I knew they were acquainted, but this smacks of a real love connection!  Did you see the photo of him running on the field with the team?  I'm an alumnus, 25-year season ticket holder, monetary contributor and a member of the press (kind of)!  I haven't gotten a whiff of touching the M-Club banner!  Crowe gives a pre-game pep talk and suddenly everything "clicks"?  What the frack is that?

The outcome of today's game is apparently not in question.  The 'Guide' is back in print and Russell has got the minds of the maize n' blue to 'click'.  We needn't worry about the PSU defense, senior QB Morelli, or the burr in Joe Pa's pants as big as Pittsburgh (3-9 vs. Michigan).  No, we've got the Gladiator and the bum by the tracks on our side!

MICHIGAN 24, PENN STATE 20

Welcome, Penn State fans. Root hard, but leave your whining at home.

At one point, you arguably were the classiest fans in the Big Ten.

You treated us graciously, especially right after joining the Big Ten in 1993, when you won three of four against UM. Things began to change in Michigan's 1997 championship season, when the Wolverines shocked #2 Penn State at Happy Valley, 34-8. UM has owned the Lions since.

To hear Penn State tell it, they lost recently because of bad officiating. In 2002, officials ruled a good catch out of bounds.

2005 especially hurt, when the refs allowed Lloyd Carr to wantonly add two seconds to the clock, setting up Chad Henne's TD pass for PSU's only loss that year. These events changed JoePa's reputation from a statesman-like football icon, to a whining buffoon who publicly berated referees and once nearly assaulted one. Fans followed suit, and became loudmouthed complainers.

This comes up now because blogs and sportswriters are still regurgitating the same history. Never mind that in 2002, just before the out of bounds call, PSU was gifted 20 yards on a non-catch; or that in 2005, Joe Paterno got two seconds added minutes before Lloyd did. (And don't EVER mention that Paterno's first national championship, in 1982, was due to a horrible out of bounds call in Penn State's favor. They might take their banner down from Beaver Stadium in shame.)

You know what? Michigan has lost 5 of 6 to Ohio State for one reason:

they outplayed us. So did Appalachian State. We're not that great this year; you might even win. But until then, you get no love from Counterpunt. So shut your mouth and play football - your whining obscures your class.

MICHIGAN 31, PENN STATE 14